Tuesday, September 19, 2006

"Part of the Plan"

To make up for not posting the last part of my Al Groh musings I've decided to post this Cobra-Groh picture I found on EDSBS and follow it up with a poem I got this morning from my friend Jewbacca. I didn't write this one, so send me no props. But you can send kudos for the eternal classic, The Foxfield Poem. Now we present, Part of the Plan:

"Part of the Plan"

They ran George off after years of success
Because Wahoos all over complained of a mess.
Seeking a general, a genius, a man,
they tapped the Big Leagues. It was part of the plan.

Al Groh came to C-ville, a star on the rise.
‘Cross Jefferson’s Grounds one could hear the great cries
“We are saved! We are saved! No more flash in the pan!
WA-HOO-WA WA-HOO-WA.” A magnificent plan.

“Seven win seasons? No more! Re-assess!
While our slow-witted rivals play checkers not chess
we’ll outsmart them, outplay them, our face in the fan!”
Groh announced at a briefing “It’s part of the plan.”

So he hired assistants, all NFL greats,
advised his recruits to tell all of their mates
that to get to The Dance don’t go Hokie, go Hoo.
It was part of the plan. What’s a Hokie to do?

It got worse for the Gobblers. The recruiting machine
that Groh had established was looking quite mean.
The NFL hype machine Cavaliers ran
Made Groh’s juggernaut seem a very good plan.

Groh then thought, “Hmm… with this much success
I’ll show no regard for the guys in the press.”
With contempt, the imperious Groh went to war
with the one group of people you’d better not gore.

Then something else happened. As smart Hoos had feared,
VT came to town and a smackdown appeared.
“I blame the players,” Coach said. “To a man,
We’re young, we’re rebuilding. It’s part of the plan.”

Everyone bought it. They gave Groh a pass.
Even the press, whom he’d kicked in the ass.
Groh’s palace was rising from George Welsh’s shards.
Was it part of the plan that the house was of cards?

The national media kept up its fawn.
The Cavalier faithful waited for dawn.
The Hoos came to Blacksburg, on turkey to dine
But they left empty, unfulfilled (21-9).

The losses to Hokies were hard to explain,
So Groh and his minions tried a new train.
“Our standards are tougher. We don’t hire thugs.
My plan is to work out the rest of the bugs.”

They got lucky at home, then unlucky away.
The heat off, Al Groh pitched a new Wahoo day.
“With the Hokies in C-ville, we’ll now win this thing.”
What he didn’t consider was Rouse, Humes and King!

It was bad. It was ugly. Groh’s hell was now found.
The Hokies had 3-3-3 yards on the ground
on their way to 52-14 disaster.
The Hokies stripped bare the now-naked Chessmaster.

The Groh house of cards fell apart on the day
eight guys weren’t admitted and told they can’t play.
“Poor planning?” reporters asked. “Tell if you can!”
Said Groh, “No, I’d say it was part of the plan.”

Guffaw! “Did he say that?” Groh’s paying his dues.
Even ESPN talk shows went after the Hoos.
The national press said “Soft! That’s what they are!”
The state press said, “Groh has gone one step too far.”

‘06 held some promise, but even that’s gone.
Pittsburg embarrassed the Hoos. Now they’re done.
The Hoos should remember, assuming they can,
That as bad as it is, it was part of the plan.

But wait! Signs of life! In a 13-12 squeaker,
No win o’er the Cowboys had ever looked bleaker.
“Like my Super Bowl victory,” Groh offered when pressed.
“’Twas a part of my plan. Now I’m going to get dressed.”

The next awful game day Groh’s world came down crashing
As directional Michigan delivered a thrashing.
“From me right on down, it has got to get better,”
thought Groh as he sat down to draft up The Letter.

“Draft 1. Dear Craig, I am writing today
My sad resignation. But you’ll have to pay
About 10 million dollars (the contract, my man).
As I said all along, it was part of the plan.”

Then he folded the letter and tucked it away
Just in case things got worse in Atlanta Thursday.
Then he slipped out the back to avoid the fans.
It was time to start thinking ‘bout post-football plans.

No comments: